The Kate and Cami Show
DID with an Attitude

Nov
18

Trigger warning and all that crap. Littles go away. Those looking for opportunities to get indignant go away. This is my fcking OPINION, got it? Disclaimer

Those of us dealing with dissociation, as a collective group, have DID as well.

We are not united as a whole, but have our own rabid subgroups with infighting that generates more heat than light. That adds to the already unflattering impression of DID. We all struggle against the stereotype that we are florid, etc. All or a majority with DID are fakers, those with DID are dangerous. Etc.

My DID is worse than yours! Multiplicity is not DID and don’t compare us! You are psychotic and under control of false memories! You don’t accept my experience of DID as real! I think you are rejecting me so I don’t think you really have DID! You didn’t put up a trigger warning and I got hurt and you are so rude and sick!

Dammit grow the fck up.

Why the hell are we behaving this way? Why do we slam one another because we don’t agree on something? Why do some expect others to take responsibility for their feelings?

Unless you are physically under a certain age, you are responsible for yourself and your own safety. Step up and take that responsibility. We are not a socialist nation (ehhh) and don’t expect everyone else to shoulder your pain. Don’t touch the burner – it could be hot. If you can’t keep your hand off the burner then get an adult to keep you out of the kitchen. Take some responsibility for yourselves.

When I was 8, my parents made me leave the room so they could watch an R-rated movie on TV. To protect me. (And the irony is, perhaps, that the first R-rated movie I convinced them to let me stay up for was “I Never Promised you a Rose Garden. ” I remember the bare breast. Amazing. And I can’t remember all of 5th grade.)

Why don’t those with DID protect themselves and their young alters the same way?

It is NOT inappropriate to ask your alters to go to their room while you surf the internet! Especially if they know what the internet IS and post on the internet themselves!

Show some good parenting!

Over the last year, I’ve poked around blogs, websites, public and private forums. Most blogs and websites discuss interesting stuff, often based on experiences and research. Share helpful information about DID, therapy, etc. Good stuff. Some crap too. Some have diary entries – mixed bag there as well. The ones I like I have in my GoogleReader and I visit regularly.

I don’t care for forums – not because I think they are good or bad, but because I have no interest in getting caught up in the daily inanity of “what did you do today?” “Let’s talk about our favorite movies.” Hey – no disrespect – some stuff there is great. I would (and did) read for information and DID therapy issues, but for the rest of the fluff, I’d rather spend the time doing things more productive, and save the daily banter for my Flesh-and-Blood friends. I want to remain firmly planted in a reality that accepts me as an incredibly talented woman, not one with a label of DID.

DID is something I have. I am working to make myselves an incredibly strong woman. DID is not my Reason for Being. Get off the forum and live more in real life. (Did you know man died in China after playing computer games for 7 hours straight?)

Forums are a mix. All tend to use trigger warnings of some sort. Good. All promote a safe environment. Good. All allow others to share feelings. Good. I see division among those with DID and the type of forum fosters it.

There’s a real difference between private and public forums, IMHO.

Public forms feel freer. People are more reasoned and accepting. People use terms like IMHO (In My Humble Opinion). People actually DEFER when they are wrong. The pre-apologize if they think their comments might make people upset. I’ve seen moderators step in when a thread might get off track and ask people to resist flaming. There are some great moderators out there who can sense a problem and step in quickly, before there are meltdowns.

News Flash Folks!
Core Rules of Netiquette, with the guidelines on Flaming.

Okay, back up. Let’s stop for a second and think about what Moderate means.

Moderate: “Being within reasonable limits; not excessive or extreme.” [ref]

A moderator, one who moderates is charged with keeping things within those limits – who arbitrates or mediates. [ref]

Seems like they’ve got it right. Keeping thing within limits.

I have never seen a public moderator stoop to showing anger or venting about anyone else unless there is a damn good reason. (Admittedly small sample size of DID-specific forums.) Often, they just remove the offending posts. Usually, they give a warning before banning if the infraction is not severe. PMs are used – “Hey, I removed your post because of….. Please make an effort to avoid this in the future or I will have to remove your membership.”

God…sounds too rational!

Private forums for the most part (IMHO!) feel more restricting. For some, that is great. But many moderators tend to be more overpowering and dictatorial. In their guise of keeping things “safe” they cross the line between establishing safety and exacting retribution. They allow themselves to be triggered and then they lash out at anyone for sometimes incomprehensible reasons.

Or, for reasons they saw coming and didn’t “moderate.”

Again, that term. Moderator. Moderate. I have/had membership in 4 private DID or PTSD forums: only one has a healthy moderator. The rest…well.

They don’t call the position Extremeorators or Flameorators for a reason. But unfortunately that’s what some Moderators actually are. Sigh.

I’ve seen moderators publically (on the forum) give members “a talking to” for making comments that didn’t seem to harmful to me. But maybe they could have been to someone else. Fine. But then Why weren’t PMs used? to mitigate? I saw someone get banned for disagreeing with a particular treatment plan. Sigh. GMAFB.

And me? Sweet little Kate? *I* stand so accused as a psychotic stalker for asking some questions about promised research that purports that those with DID are psychotic. I never got the references, but I did get banned. Heh heh. Remember all the red letter screaming I got? *rolls eyes*

Do moderators have a right to do this? Of course – it’s their forum. They make the rules. Their opinion. They can do what they want within the law. They SHOULD do what they do within the boundaries of common social convention.

Hello! Welcome to my dinner party – come on in! Delightful house, beautiful curtains. Why thank you, care for a drink? Why sure…oh, Smirnoff’s – say, do you have Grey Goose? Get the fck out of my house, and if you step foot outside my door again my dog will eat you! Can you believe that guy? What an asshole to demand Grey Goose. He must be a snob, thinking we aren’t good enough for him. He’s probably an alcoholic anyway. (Yes, we all thought so as well! Good riddance!)

<yeeeesh>

But I digest.

<Perhaps the dog will as well.>

The unhealthiness sometimes continues after the member is banned. When I was banned after the Psychosis Event, the private forum moderator trashed me with additional comments after I was gone. I’ve seen this on other boards like the treatment plan discussion – it was insinuated the banned member refused to accept their guidance because he was too stubborn and confrontational. All for asking for more details on the methods.

These moderators hide behind “keeping the safety of my forum” as a rationale for trashing someone after they ban them.

But Kate, it IS their forum. They are allowed to do this.

Yes they are. But it reveals to everyone what they are. Control seeking manipulative people who need their own little fiefdom to spout their own little realities. Their little private mind-control forums. Slowly pulling in unsuspecting vulnerable people in with promises of safety. (Want to see a puppy?)

Are you saying that all private forums like this?

No.

But there’s a lot of brainwashing going on in the ones that are. Some are overt, but some are subtle. They look okay, they sound okay, but something doesn’t smell right.

I watched one moderator ask probing questions of an obviously vulnerable new member, and then started a thread that looked suspiciously like therapeutic-level advice. That makes me feel uncomfortable all around. Influencing behavior. Keepers posted about their experiences on how little discomforts turn into lawsuits.

And these moderators are talking about safety?

That’s where you have to have your radar up. Because in a public forum, you will be not only moderated by the one who runs the board, but your words and actions are also open for public scrutiny. Checks and balances.

Less chance of inappropriate behavior.

On a public board, random passer-by others can inject correct information or answer questions – I joined a public forum a few weeks just to post a link that directly answered someone’s question. The moderator moderates the comments as appropriate or not – mine could have been rejected. Fine – his choice. At least those board members didn’t have to wait for the moderator to go find the requested information, digest it and regurgitate it in her own biased manner, in order to maintain “safety”. With a dash of personal influence in the stew.

Public boards allow fresh blood to stop by and add new comments.

Private boards restrict flow of information. The brainwashing can go on undetected for years.

Smells funny to me.

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Nov
18

Hello

I am having trouble seeing the colors for quotes and hyperlinks.

This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote

This is a hyperlink in the middle of this post.

So, Kate, remember we gotta do that totally annoying font tag for every quote (fond color=”#cc9900″) and for every hyperlink (font color=”#ff8800″)

Sigh

This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote This is a quote


This is a hyperlink in the middle of this post.

Thanks!

Nov
15

I read something interesting on the internet the other day about opinions  Specifically related to Dissociative Identity Disorder, but generally applied.  Someone accused another of “throwing around inaccurate so-called opinionsabout some dissociation thing.

Hey folks, let’s get one thing straight here.  Read carefully.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN INACCURATE OPINION!

Here’s reality – It is your OPINION that there can be such a thing as an INACCURATE OPINION!

JHC.

Think about that one for a while, all of you who get pissed off when you don’t like what you read on the internet.

Facts can be proven one way or the other; opinions cannot. There can be inaccurate FACTS, but not inaccurate OPINIONS!

Why do I feel like I have to scream? Because they just won’t listen beyond their own little self-righteous worlds.

Definition of “Fact”

A fact:

– “is defined as something that is true, something that actually exists, or something having objective reality can be verified that according to an established standard of evaluation” –ref

Definition of “Opinion”

An opinion:

– “not a fact, because opinions are either not falsifiable, or the opinion has not been proven or verified” – ref

– “a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter” – ref

A very obvious example:

Have you ever read the OpEd pages (Opinions and Editorials) of a newspaper?  And all the shit you have seen people blather about this candidate and that candidate?  OPINION folks, and everyone is entitled to them.

You can write, “I think that Kate is a whacked chick who has no fcking idea what she is talking about.”

That is your opinion and you can say it.  Go ahead.

I have been ROYALLY pissed off at some of the Opinions I have seen touted about certain (actually BOTH) presidential candidates.  Absolute bullshit – it blows my blood pressure through the roof.

And you know what I do? I Move Along.  I just walk away.  Turn the channel.  Close the page.  Yes, the First Amendement gives them the right, even though I think they are wrong.

They are entitled to their opinion, even if I think it is wrong.  And I am entitled to MY opinion, even if they think I am wrong.  (Think = Opinion, got it?)

If that idea offends you, either 1) Move to a different country, or 2) Move Along.

A DID Example

DID is diagnosed according to criteria set forth by the DSM.  The DSM describes symptoms in a general sense.  It does not explore the results of DID or treatment plans of DID.  If you have been diagnosed with DID, you just share a set of general characteristics with a lot of other people.

That is all.

And just because you have DID, that does not give you special consideration or privileges.  It does not automatically mean everything you believe about yourself and your own DID experiences is shared by others with DID.  We are all different.

Just like with presidential candidates, you will find people with DID who do not agree with something you believe about DID.  It does not make either of you wrong.  It means that both of you have beliefs based on your experiences.

If you find you do not agree with what other people say, Move Along.  Don’t argue with them.  Don’t waste your time flaming.

You are not right.  And you are not wrong.  Welcome to reality.  Have a nice day.

Summary and Suggestion

So – to all of you offended, hurt, and disenchanted people out there – you can say all you want, but just because you believe it, don’t make it fact.

So stop trying to throw your opinion of what my is opinion down my throat as fact.  Because it ain’t.  Grow up.

Nov
14

Well, she’s gone and done it now.  Let another little bit slip out of the bottle.  First, it was my own email address, heh heh.  That certainly caused a little “issue” in happy town, and she probably could have stopped it.  But she didn’t.

Next, that oh-so-subtle “let’s collaborate on a few posts” trick.  Yup,   Pretty successful.  Lotsa hits over at the old pad.  Ohhhhh yeah.

And now after the real Emily, the young quiet one, has a great co-conscious journaling discussion for the first time, like, EVER, your’s truly shed her carets and snuck off to get her own blog.

But what’s the fun in sarcasm without my straightman, Cami (You know, the somewhat rational/emotional one who hid behind Emily’s name for the past 6 months)?  So, I conceded a smidge and give her second billing to avoid that nasty the fight.  (And perhaps recapping of the proverbial bottle.)

But we all know who’s Numero Uno around here.

Let the party begin.